Letting Go and Letting Love In...

I've learned a lot about my experience with cancer. Some people won't understand, some people won't know how to help you and some people may not stay. But being able to see and understand that things may change in your life and friends will come an go.... that's another step we must take with open arms. Those people may have loved us at one point and perhaps the fact that you have cancer scares the daylights out of them and they just don't know how to love you, how to show you that and how to support you... so they leave. Now listen, YOU MUST be strong through this and understand that perhaps they are not the right people to be in YOUR LIFE, when you're fighting. Perhaps there are BETTER people to be in YOUR LIFE during YOUR FIGHT that will LOVE YOU Unconditionally.

For a long time after my initial diagnosis of terminal cancer, I was shattered when my "Friends" turned on me, But soon enough I realized that I DIDN'T Need or want people like that in my life, during my fight, during my battle or for the future. What I needed, were STRONG People, People who Embraced Life, People who Embraced Love and People who would Support Me No Matter What Decisions I Made.

Ok, I'll give you a little history... I wasn't always outgoing and bubbly. Around a certain group of friends in high school i was to an extent. But after cancer, that all changed. I became this super outgoing person that wanted to talk about it. Talk about Cancer, my Life Changes, my Experiences and I just wanted nothing more than to Share Life with others. Most of all, I had a Hankering to HELP, Anyone that I could. Now, most of my friends at the time didn't understand my newfound Love, Desire and Passion. And Honestly I didn't want to stop, not for a moment, not for anyone. Even at the times my doctor told me to slow down, I worked as hard as I could and shared as much as people would let me.

Now, Further back than that.... I'll tell you about Love and Life. I always thought that I knew what love was and what it felt like. I can be honest here and tell you that my Love Life was a complete Mess. I was searching for "Love" or what I Imagined it to be, you know.... typical fairy tale dreaming....I was meeting people at Online - through countless dating sites, phone chat lines, singles events, Mormon dances (and I'm not Mormon), through friends and through a ton of online chat rooms. Who knows what I thought I would find.... The reality was that if I was always searching, I would most likely find exactly what I didn't want. Well it's true. I dated to my hearts content, no matter how wrong they were for me... I think a lot of us do this, because so many would rather be with someone, than alone right? I know, this is a piece of my life story Before Cancer (BC) and After.

So, I ALWAYS dated the WRONG GUYS! Even when I saw it and knew it, I still did. So After CANCER (AC), that just added a little more... complication... something else to the mix. At this point I saw more Value in Myself and my Life. I Almost Died and I cherished the fact that I was Alive. Now, my picker honestly was still a little off and I was still clouded from Chemo. but Let me tell you, I DIDN'T Stop dating just because of cancer. But I did find other ways that seemed to work better. Like Speed Dating, Singles Events and yes... certain Dating Sites. I remember those Dates and Boyfriends Like Yesterday.

*There was the Chef who couldn't spell or cook that was in love with his best friend
*There was the guy who wore a kilt to our first date (Because I didn't believe he wore one to a wedding), he wasn't sexy one bit in that kilt
*There was the Stalker "Cancer Patient" (Claimed to be one, who knows if he really was)
*There was the Guy who didn't know what he wanted
*There was the Guy who ditched me at a restaurant and left me with the bill
*There was the Guy, who I really liked, but I wasn't his type and he was an alcoholic, used me to find a place to live (used my friend for a place to live) and ended up being a big douche.
*There was the Guy, who was actually Married...

I still laugh at those moments. There was one guy that I really cared for. Mainly because he had become my best friend and I loved him for so many reasons. As much as I told myself that things were right... I didn't listen to my gut and stayed in a "non-relationship" for over 2 years. I guess I still thought, like many of us women do that we can "change them" or "Change their Minds". The reality was that I never could and I would never be just the only one. After Cancer, I saw things more clearly, especially after this last one. While we're still friends.... the love I thought I had, wasn't what I thought it was. But I've learned from the experiences I've had. All of them and I've learned that....
We Need to Let GO of the Past We're Holding Onto, this include the Past Life we Once Had. Because Especially After Cancer.....LIFE CHANGES... and Depending on how we face it, it will either be For the Better or Not. So, my best advice whether you're dealing with cancer, a crazy life change, a break up........ The Best Thing to Do Is to Let Go of the Past and Move On, So UCAAN Be Ready to Let Love In when it's ready for you......
Make sure to read the continuation... Where I found someone... Finally. A REAL MAN PERFECT FOR ME.