The Hourglass is Running.......Life Changes

I knew that this would happen eventually and had even attempted to semi-prepare myself for this. But let me tell you..... when it hits you like a ton of bricks, and you feel like you've been side swiped- you haven't a clue how you need to move forward.

When I started UCAAN in 2009, the main mission was to get cancer survivors to become fully self supporting and off of social security. But the fact was that I hadn't even accomplished that myself due to all of my side effects of my treatments. But here I am trying to help other survivors accomplish the goal that I have yet to. Hmmm. I'm not quite sure how to feel about this. Until I received a determination from Social Security in the mail today. In short the letter said that as of March 2011, I was no longer considered disabled and was in remission from cancer. What does this mean for me? They are taking away my Social Security, which is my only means of income, and I will receive my last payment May 2011. But that's not all. There's a HUGE possibility that I will loose my Medical insurance as well. ::Breathe:: I've been crying about all this. I knew it would eventually come to this, but I was hoping not yet. I'm not ready for it. But when does it work out any way other than like this.

So I have 2 months to find a job that I would be able to get health insurance from. With a pre-existing condition.... And then a thought came to mind.... can they really consider me not-disabled if I haven't reached my 5 year cancer free mark? I'm not sure. But that WILL be one of the questions I bring up to Soc. Sec when I appeal their decision. Now, news about getting cancer is scary, trust me I know. But so is finding out that your money and insurance is being pulled out from under you. Especially when they haven't investigated everything that needs to be reviewed. Like the Neurological studies that a Neuro-therapist did with me in 2009 that proved that I have learning disabilities as a result of my treatments.

So here I am again. I've become a guinea pig for other survivors. Providing the guidance, and help that many of us are clueless and unsure of how to deal with these types of situations. I feel stressed and have been crying since I read the determination letter. What's even better is the fact that the instructions on how to file an appeal are soooo bland and hard to understand unless you have your head on straight when you read it. I have no idea what will happen next with this case, but I have to keep positive and understand that maybe this is the best thing for me. So that I could provide this help and knowledge to other cancer survivors.

I'm scared, because I have so much riding on this outcome. My insurance, my income, my housing, my future, UCAAN's future.

So I ask.... God is this part of your plan? Do you want me to go through this experience so that I can live up to my mission for UCAAN and help other survivors get through this. If this is the case, give me a hand. :0)